Modern dating can have you feeling like Dennis Rodman in 96′ saying “I do” to yourself. Ouch!
Has it gotten that bad? Were the old days really that good? Is it that hard to find Mr. Right? When I asked Sahira she told me, “dating these days is a waste of time.” But who’s at fault? Do women know what they want? Are men afraid to commit? I’m not sure… Honestly, I don’t think men are doing that bad… or are we?
I would love to revisit the old days when dating seemed more meaningful. Or maybe we can send all the men back for a crash course on courtship. It seems no one is serious these days. On behalf of all the single women out there, I want to speak on the common dating scenarios that leave us frustrated.
First, you never know who’s real these days. It’s very frustrating. Us women have to sift through the modern day hitters on Instagram, Facebook, Tinder, Christian Mingle or whatever, not knowing who’s real and who’s not. Some may argue “you’re looking in the wrong places”, but we’re living in a world with no walls… and the same people you meet in person are active on these networks. So what’s the difference?
When we finally take a chance on someone it’s like playing a game of kiss the poster — close your eyes and hope for the best… hopefully, you don’t slam into a wall.
If men could just be up front with their intentions, in the beginning, it would prevent a lot of unnecessary hardships. Stop wasting our time.
From my experience and understanding, men are just as frustrated as women. We want something serious too. But there are internal issues men deal with that women aren’t aware of. Every man has his “ideal” woman. This is a woman his mom will love, his boys will praise, and his ex will hate. If a woman fits the bill outwardly a man will demonstrate interest.
Now. Every man also has his “ordeal” woman. This is a woman who is self-centered, disrespectful, insecure, disloyal, flirtatious, or untrustworthy. During the dating process, if a man notices any trait he sees as a deal-breaker, he’s going to bail. However, just to prove to himself he didn’t waste his time, he may try to benefit in some way to compensate for his efforts. So when the affair comes to an end, the woman may feel played.
I’m not sure if women walk away feeling played, it’s more-less a feeling of disappointment. We try our best to be optimistic, but it’s hard, so we have to keep our guard up, which may seem like we don’t know what we want… we do, but we have to be cautious.
Another thing that frustrates women, is a man that moves in too fast. That’s a red flag, and it makes us uncomfortable. It’s also disappointing because we know at some point it has to end. We want to get to know you. Honestly, when passions are high, women can fall into the same trap. But it’s still a negative, and not the proper way to court a woman (or man).
It’s like that button you see on a new website, “learn more”, you’ll do well by clicking it.
I completely understand why women may feel disappointed. It makes a lot of sense. As a man, I sometimes feel women don’t know what they want, but as you pointed out, it’s just women being cautious. I never looked at it that way.
So I guess you can say the same for men. We’ve been heartbroken, played, and tossed to the side. So we’re “on guard” as well… constantly looking for signs common to women who disappoint. But with the man ego, we may try to exit the situation first… that’s a win for us.
And that’s another thing I want to discuss, ego. Egocentric men personify an impenetrable heart. Chances are, he’s been this way far too long to change, especially for a woman. I’ve learned it’s either one of two that takes over a man, his heart or an ego with a life of its own.
Maybe we should substitute the word “ego” for “pride”, or maybe even “dignity”. As men, we take “pride” in what we represent… our brand if you will. We’re kinda hardwired that way. But when our “dignity” is challenged, we’ll do whatever it takes to protect our own. So you’re right, when it comes down to it, it’s either my heart or yours… if you love someone more than yourself you’ll make that sacrifice, but if we’re talking about dating “team me” wins every time.
Wow, that’s a tough pill to swallow, but I understand. However, in the beginning, men misrepresent themselves on purpose in order to get what they want. They put on a great performance and continue to pursue even after the red flags and deal breakers.
And women aren’t blind to this. Many men make promises early on we know they can’t keep. But we cross our fingers and hope after the stage of infatuation, the real you is something to work with. This is what makes the dating process a drag… we’ve seen it many times before. Yet in our effort to share our life with someone special we enter this cycle over and over again.
I see. As a man, I hate entering that cycle myself.
So in your opinion, what’s the number one reason men aren’t stepping up to the plate?
Because they’re scared. They’re afraid to bare all. They want to be seen as strong and competent which creates fear of rejection.
But you guys need to step it up. Once you find someone that meets “most” of your requirements for a healthy relationship, you should pursue her as your potential life partner. Why keep running? You’ll never know what’s out there until you give it a try. You have to make yourself vulnerable at some point, otherwise, we’re all stuck in that never ending cycle.
I believe our parents and grandparents left behind a great legacy to follow, but we’re screwing things up. What about those coming after us? Yikes!
So men, get it together. Women, get it together. Because right now, things are looking bad.
Wow. And that’s it. Women are actively pursuing something real and men don’t know who to trust. Women are wise to the games but desperately want men to be real. Men feel they can’t be vulnerable but that’s what women want. But men can’t stand being weak because that’s what women don’t want. Bad guys finish first and the good guys don’t stand a chance. This makes it seem like women don’t know what they want but in reality, all women want is a real man. And that’s why good guys finish last and the girl stays single.
Man, dating is difficult.